Tag: meditation

Grow Through Fear

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I had developed a fear of flying after spending one year abroad. The anxiety never seemed to leave me before and during take off. Those long minutes are tricky, challenging and I always, always have the worse case scenario overplaying in my head even before the wheels leave the tarmac. It usually involves me panicking and clawing for the door, begging staff to let me off. I was determined to figure out how to handle it.

turning-into-your-fear
‘What you resist, persists.’ – Carl Jung

These particular thoughts and feelings are unpleasant to say the least. But hours before I was to travel by plane, I decided a meditation session could help my nerves and the result was that it put things in perspective.

I focused on the details that made me feel panicky the most – the height the plane would be travelling at, the enclosure of a small space with lots of people with no option to leave and the fear I would lose control of myself and have some kind of panic attack. At first it was very difficult and uncomfortable to look at each of them – and that’s when I realised that was exactly my problem. I wouldn’t look at them or acknowledge their existence. The fact I kept resisting them and pushing them away was what increased them in size. It’s like with any phobia or disorder – it starts off small and is then avoided and feared to the point of extremity. I saw how I was contributing to the fear by fearing what would happen (assuming the future), and secondly by trying to deny or push these fears down. Because of this, it festered.

Resistance to fear entangles us.

In order to give peace to myself and to take a first step to transcending these fears, I needed to acknowledge them in a friendly way. I needed to make space for them within myself and house them. I learned that we need to make friends with our fears just as easily as we find it easy to make friends with feelings of happiness.

I travelled to the airport that day in a state of peace that I hadn’t felt in a while, and it made me realise that adversity forces us to rise to higher standards of resilience and courage that we never realise we possessed. These fearful situations not only call for our approaching wisdom, but also acceptance of the uncomfortable. Because for all those long minutes during take off, I was proud of myself for facing it and the holiday I received for a few moments of discomfort was worth it.

Resisting the negative only seems to double its efforts, accepting them helps us move through them more quickly and experience positivity again.

Fears are the dirty underside of the coin that most of us do not want to look at. But we give them power when we refuse their presence, and treat them as an inconvenience for us; but what if we could work with them to relinquish them? Having fear teaches us courage, being sad makes us appreciate the moments when we are happy. The negative and positive compliment each other in the same way as Ying Yang do. I believe if I give my fears their space within long enough, I may eventually find that space unoccupied.

The experience can be almost perfectly encapsulated by the famous poem by Rumi:

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

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Feeling Your Way Through Fears

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I have been challenged recently with a variety of different fears that reflect my current position in life, and secondly regarding particular people in it. I have found it’s so easy to lose control and be scared into submission and inaction, especially when there’s a few of them knocking down your door.

Transcendingthroughfears
Feel your way through the fear.

In a bid to manage them, I found I had to confront them. I did this through one hour of meditation where I focused on relaxing my body, then moving onto my breathing and then finally the fears.

I let each one of them rise up, taking the time to focus on each one individually and as objectively as I could. I find we naturally tend to ignore and push away our fears by default, so at this point I found it was good for me to acknowledge them and realise why they were there. Every fear has it’s own reason and right for it’s presence and needs to be respected if you want move on from it.

Once each one was recognised, I found a sense of relief. As though the tension I had felt that was mounting shrank, although didn’t go away altogether.

Knowing the reason for their presence allowed me to accept them more as I knew their individual place in my life then; it was in essence trying to protect me from something.

In the process I learnt where the fears were stemming from.

  • What you assume other people think of you or will think of you. This is a classic and never goes away for me. I remind myself that other’s thoughts are their own responsibility to maintain and not mine. They’re affected by what they think but that doesn’t necessarily mean I have to be as well. There will always be the odd few who don’t accept you but remember it falls in low priority when you look at the grand scheme of life. Happiness, gratitude, openness and love, these are things more deserving of your attention. You’re not living on this planet for very long.
  • What you assume people will do to you. This is a hard one, especially if previous experience has shown their capabilities of hurting you and how well they can do it. For this, I assured myself that I would maintain strong boundaries and always look after and respect myself first no matter what. You will always be vulnerable to some degree and that’s part of being human, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t walk away or that you’re incapable of healing yourself. Remember your power of choice. Pain can’t be avoided in life, but you can give yourself what you need to a certain extent.
  • What you assume is going to happen. True events unfold in the present only and not in your imagination. I’ve found I need to stay in the present and trust myself to be able handle whatever comes at me as it comes at me. If you can do what is outlined in the second point, this shouldn’t be too hard.

As per usual, rarely any of my fears manifest into reality because they’re usually an unconscious reaction to a situation or person that has particular history behind it. It doesn’t mean it can’t happen again, but it’s an opportunity for a new reaction from within. Whether that is pushing up boundaries, giving less value to other’s thoughts and opinions or another workable solution.

The only way to build new neural pathways is to recognise the old ones for what they are, accept them and their current relevance in your life and start to build new ones. Surprisingly, I told someone who I was afraid of that I loved them, because I knew deep down beyond past the fear that I did, and I got an amazing reaction from them which leads me to my final insight.

The best answer to fear is love.

Loving Yourself and Finding Your Calling

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In the midst of my struggle in liking someone, I knew and felt the torment and lamentation of knowing I’ll never be able to have a relationship with this person. The pain of it in my chest was unbearable.

I began to wonder why such a powerful, obsessive attraction that is so strong it cancels me completely, and makes it difficult for me to concentrate on anything, regardless of the time of day? How did this make me so blind?

Love-Yourself-and-Finding-Your-Calling

As I sank deep into myself in meditation, I explored and found something profound. What materialised out of this conundrum, this dark ether, was the plain simple fact that I Saw this person. I saw their vulnerabilities and it wasn’t my eyes that Saw it; it was my heart. And it was only because I opened up my heart to them that I was able to see that.

We can’t acknowledge people’s vulnerabilities in a humane, understandable and accepting way if we don’t see it from the heart. There and then, I realised that I accepted that person with loving feelings because I acknowledged them not mind to mind, but heart to heart. I also saw some of myself in them, making this connection even stronger.

Once I came to this realisation, something else profound happened. I felt a bursting sensation of love coursing through my body and I knew in that moment I had touched on something deep, like a massive root beneath a tree that goes unnoticed beneath the ground but is of huge significance.

The tree root was love, and it is something we rarely show to the world above. It pumps away giving life to the tree but it’s work goes largely unappreciated and and noticed unlike the smaller, more insignificant roots above are given the limelight.

I noticed how strange it was in how we strive to keep it under wraps.

In that moment, I completely loved and accepted myself as I was. Whether it was obsessing over someone or other perceived wrong doings and things I still think I’m doing wrong, it didn’t matter. Because no matter what, it was all ok.

From this came one final realisation; to spread it. To give it out into the world and from somewhere deep within or deep beyond I found a calling of some sort. A calling to connect people, to unify and strengthen the relationships between humankind. To foster, facilitate and act as a conduit of love. For everyone to realise we are all one. It’s in the silence that we come to know our purpose.

And is there any other kind of calling more beautiful than that?

A Simple Guide to Meditation

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‘Ommmmmmmm.’

Just joking. But really there’s a reason this practice has been around for so long. It’s very effective, at least it can be when you put in the effort. Let the Q&A session ensue!

mediation-blog
Meditate in nature when you can

You say: Meditation is haaaard.

I know. That is why you start small. Don’t begin with high expectations thinking you’ll be sitting there for an hour glimpsing into the secrets of the universe, they do exist, but that comes with perseverance, patience and time 😉 Commit 5 minutes each morning and eventually you’ll naturally fall into 10, 15 and then longer.

Is it worth it? 

Definitely, depending on what you put into it determines what you get out of it. Like life itself, it’s that simple. For me personally, I’ve found it gives me great perception over myself and my thought patterns and emotional tendencies which can be very empowering. It improves your focus and makes you a calmer person.

‘The thing about meditation is: you become more and more you.’ – David Lynch

My mind won’t shut up. 

Good. That’s natural. And it will be like that for a while. A key practise you could do to get yourself ahead is to instead of being engaged with your thoughts, simply watch them. Taking an outside stance like watching a circus performance. Don’t judge, don’t analyse, just watch. Another way of trying is projecting it onto a massive cinema screen in front of you and you watch it like a film. It gives you a stance of objectivity and a whole new view of yourself.

How do I start? 

Yes – you got to this part! Get a meditation cushion or chair. Sitting on the floor hurts the backside and we’ve all sat through Lord of the Rings. Nobody wants that. It will eventually act as an external stimulus that will trigger your brain to prepare your mind for meditating.

Hmm. Ok, maybe I’ll start.

Go for it! 🙂

Let me know what experiences any you guys have, especially when starting off. When I began a few years ago, I did so with a small book containing easy to-do exercises for 10-15 minutes before progressing for longer.

For additional tips you can try the Psychology Today website – https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201303/5-meditation-tips-beginners.