“Humility helps us to realise we are one among many mortal and limited human beings.”
– Sister Stan, Mindful Meditations for Every Day.
If there is any upside to being driven downside by life, it’s the opening gateway for a reduction of ego to enter.
This month, my bank card had been skimmed, my car trouble was costing me more than I could afford and I had done my shoulder and back in from training and had to cut back on exercise.
It had felt like the universe was pushing me back, and snapped me out of a belief that my life would just be smooth from here onwards. I had acquired this thought from how bad my past has been and that I was due in high credit with life.
That belief may be skewed.
Aside from the emotional turmoil it caused me, being squeezed between not having enough money potentially to get through the month and body pain on a daily basis that I’d never experienced before, something broke. A sobering, a realising, a maturation of accepting it and sucking it up.
Knowing my value as a person wasn’t reduced because of what was happening to me over what was beyond my control (mostly) was key, but I also began thinking in new ways to survive and get through what was happening. It caused me to be adaptive and let go of my attachment to self-image, particularly in how I’m seen by others and to shrink my focus to how I see myself and making that the priority.
Nothing like bad stuff or a disaster to really bring you home to yourself.
I realised that gratitude was something I had been lacking recently, not paying enough attention to what I have and just wanting more, despite it taking me the guts of over 10 years to get me to the place I am today. Being so well-rounded and achieved today, it’s easy to get caught up in present-day established self, and forget the past self who laboriously worked hard to push for today’s dream.
And that’s what I forgot.
I started expecting more, getting too comfortable and settled into where I am.
But the warrior’s journey is never done, and I think that was the message sent, loud and clear.
I forgot about the joy gratitude brings, I forgot about the freedom and simplicity of humility. I forgot myself in a way, and traded possibly one of the best parts of me for a comfortable, higher-class living person that doesn’t really fit with who I am.
Who I am is who I was and who I am today. It’s the marks of the past I’ve forgotten that add up to the person today.
- My humble days of travel and alone in a world of foreigners.
- My days of despair and aloneness living in a home environment of addicts, thinking it would never be over, that my life was over before it ever began.
- My studies and my overwhelming level of commitment to rise about what was handed to me, knowing my very survival depended upon it.
This was the girl I’d forgotten about.
Perseverance, self-discipline, steadfastness, stubbornness, courage, determination, self-resourcing.
I may be operating on a higher level of living, but that doesn’t mean these traits go away or are made redundant, they’re skills in the back pocket for more typical adult-day scenarios.
I’m still a person with the same vulnerabilities as back years ago, and that girl has never left.