Honest Conversation on Struggles of Meditation

Can we just have an honest conversation about the struggles of meditation?
I sometimes feel like when I sit down to do it, I always have this level of expectation come over me, like if I had an unbelievable experience the previous time, it sets the bar and I want that again, so much so it hampers my concentration and then I get nowhere near it and I finish up disappointed.
I guess the answer is to be feather light on it and gently coax oneself into it without looming expectation that it has to be a certain way. Easier said than done at times.
Meditation has helped stabilise my emotions and push up to a higher level of present alertness. I used to think i couldnt get to tgat place as I believed I wasn’t smart or good enough for it, but despite a broken part of me that holds vehemently onto that belief, (in the words of Maya Angelou’s poem), I Still Rise.
For me, meditation has brought me knowledge and an abstract level of awareness like:
  • You can only know and empathise with people as much as you can with yourself.
  • Beneath broiling emotions is a self that is fulfilled, light and needs nothing.
  • A sense of energy and emotions in the body, knowing where they are stuck and needing release.
  • My mind and self-worth works primarly based on how people perceive me, and I see the depth I strive everyday to maintain a certain image of myself.
Can anyone relate to the above in their experiences?
Can I ask, how do you know when meditation is working for you? I mean what do you notice personally that keeps you going to do it each time?
And just as importantly, how do you deal with what gets in the way of it? The thoughts that refuse to go away, or the emotion you experience during that breaks concentration? Or would you view meditation as a way of processing unconscious emotions? Which in my experience it has done.

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