Self Value from Within, Not Others

When faced with a challenge or situation, I’ve realised that one of the first ports to call is checking your internal strength; your self love and acceptance.

I became anxious recently when faced with a new challenge that involved managing others, and was put into a leadership related position – something I had little to no experience in. Ultimately, it was a real test of how much faith and belief I had in myself and my capability.


Because I was unsure of myself, it came across very strongly to others and because they verified this back to me, it only became stronger to the point where I was afraid to take any course of action, or apply any kind of solid decision or solution.

I basically froze.

I spent some time agonising over this whilst being really disappointed in myself. Continually refilling myself with negative emotions, it morphed into a vicious cycle that I kept feeding.

Only when I talked it over with someone did I manage to emotionally untangle myself and gain a more objective, less fearful perspective on the situation. It involved detaching my value from what others thought of me and realised that was the key reason for my perception of self inadequacy and my fear in taking action. The fear of being doubted and questioned by others froze me and deprived me of opportunity for growth and learning.

All I can say is that you need to be prepared to be wrong, to make mistakes and not judge yourself because of it. Once you do it’s game over and you’re back in the cycle. Acceptance for your humanity and treating yourself like you would a friend in distress is key. No self criticising is going to make you feel any better so why do it?

View yourself like a plant that needs nurturing and watering. How you do this is focusing on self acceptance and self love, a place where there is no judge, jury or barristers. A place only you can take yourself. Everything else stems from this and will influence the choices you make and life is too short for anything else.

Once I realised all this I was then ‘unfrozen’ to take action, and achieved enough mental clarity to realise what I had to do. I devised the next steps for my group and then took action.

Letting go of being self conscious of what others think of you frees you up enough to focus on acceptance of yourself and from that, confidence. Don’t let the small things stop you.


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