In the midst of my struggle in liking someone, I knew and felt the torment and lamentation of knowing I’ll never be able to have a relationship with this person. The pain of it in my chest was unbearable.
I began to wonder why such a powerful, obsessive attraction that is so strong it cancels me completely, and makes it difficult for me to concentrate on anything, regardless of the time of day? How did this make me so blind?
As I sank deep into myself in meditation, I explored and found something profound. What materialised out of this conundrum, this dark ether, was the plain simple fact that I Saw this person. I saw their vulnerabilities and it wasn’t my eyes that Saw it; it was my heart. And it was only because I opened up my heart to them that I was able to see that.
We can’t acknowledge people’s vulnerabilities in a humane, understandable and accepting way if we don’t see it from the heart. There and then, I realised that I accepted that person with loving feelings because I acknowledged them not mind to mind, but heart to heart. I also saw some of myself in them, making this connection even stronger.
Once I came to this realisation, something else profound happened. I felt a bursting sensation of love coursing through my body and I knew in that moment I had touched on something deep, like a massive root beneath a tree that goes unnoticed beneath the ground but is of huge significance.
The tree root was love, and it is something we rarely show to the world above. It pumps away giving life to the tree but it’s work goes largely unappreciated and and noticed unlike the smaller, more insignificant roots above are given the limelight.
I noticed how strange it was in how we strive to keep it under wraps.
In that moment, I completely loved and accepted myself as I was. Whether it was obsessing over someone or other perceived wrong doings and things I still think I’m doing wrong, it didn’t matter. Because no matter what, it was all ok.
From this came one final realisation; to spread it. To give it out into the world and from somewhere deep within or deep beyond I found a calling of some sort. A calling to connect people, to unify and strengthen the relationships between humankind. To foster, facilitate and act as a conduit of love. For everyone to realise we are all one. It’s in the silence that we come to know our purpose.
And is there any other kind of calling more beautiful than that?