My mental health has been severely tested several times by those closest to me, resulting in moments of high anxiety. I was constantly getting anxious thoughts about what would happen to me in the future. 

My natural state of mind and emotion is not anxious – it is the actions of others that heighten it to a point where it began to happen sporadically regardless of what was going on in my environment, and that’s when I knew it was spilling into my life and affecting how I behaved.

How I got through this very difficult time (and now still) came down to a few things:

• Self acceptance. Accepting that I was anxious more so than most people was difficult to accept, especially when everyone else ‘seemed ok’ (I say it that way because a lot of people to some degree are not what they put themselves out to be).
• Mindfulness. I had to start watching my thoughts and heighten my sense of self awareness. I did this through meditation each morning, regardless of what was going on. It’s pretty difficult, especially when there’s a part of me that crying inside and distraught over what has happened or is happening. But gaining a perspective and recognising my anxious thoughts was the first step to being free of it. It allowed for an objective knowing leading to an acceptance that it’s there.
• Space. I gave it to myself in the form of time and giving myself space around all the traumatism I had been experiencing, and an almost solemn yet peaceful acceptance of it. I basically took my own side instead of parenting myself harshly through shitty self talk. I moved to a place of self love and allowed myself to wallow and feel the pain before moving on.
• Loving Others. This I have found always comes afterwards – once you completely accept and love yourself, it naturally extends to others. Could you imagine what the world would look like if everyone worked on this?
• Randomly tarot. I bought a pack when I was 16 and although I didn’t know it at the time, it was in itself a form of meditation and looking inward. I understand now why I liked doing the spreads so much, because they offered me additional insight and angles I hadn’t considered before.
• Perseverance. Acknowledging that life goes up and down, and knowing good times lie ahead, helps in a lot of ways. If you really think about the pain you’ve been through before, you know that it’s possible to emerge intact and stronger than before. We are in essence the sum of our experiences.

A family member asked me once where I got my strength from, this blog post is the answer.