I’ve been driving myself insane the last few days on particular issues that only I’m propelling and keeping alive because thoughts keep giving it energy. I was trying every method under the sun – from journalling to meditation to Tai Chi. That was until I realised, I needed to surrender to it.
Our moments of madness (as I call them) that come from anxiety and worries, thinkings over what other people think of us and self-made theories that we create, require some degree of mastery over our fear. But there is no shame in experiencing these feelings and thoughts, none should feel lesser or believe that they missed the basketball hoop because they can’t move on from it. These experiences create our strength and provoke our courage. Through the turbulence, it’s a call to ascend to a higher level of self understanding and being, though difficult to see while in the thick of it. And no easy path will take you to that kind of place.
Peace came only when I gave up trying to stick on a band aid and let whatever it was bleed instead. When I surrendered to my problem and accepted it instead of expending energy trying to ‘fix’ it, I realised that I was not the sum of my problems and it was going to be ok. We transcend when we accept.
It is difficult to see the learning or have that epiphany of wisdom whist weathering through the storm because there is no space; you are essentially in survival mode and there is no time for a shaman’s perspective. You’re manning your ship and it’s all hands on deck.
The seeing only comes afterwards. It leads you to realise just how strong and capable you are. Your identity could be lost or you may feel like you were broken, but in time, it knits back together.
Additionally, perhaps there needs to be a more deeper level of acceptance of where we are in life. A true reflection of not how we idealise ourselves to be, but how we are right now. Paradoxically, I’ve found that once you accept yourself entirely in the present moment, you can begin to grow in different ways exponentially.
Reflecting back on previous times in life where you were brought to the brink of insanity, convinced you would keel over that precipice, you somehow managed to bring yourself back. And here you are today, reading this article that I’ve written. Shouldn’t that be a testament to something?